Heating the Kettle

Since I have started this blog I have been thinking a great deal about what lead me to start blogging.  Aside from the fact that I enjoy exploring and getting super helpful tips from other bloggers, I wanted to have something that was mine but that I could share with everyone. At this point in time, I am still trying to find my own voice but I now know exactly what I want this blog to be, A TEA PARTY.

I know that when we hear “A Tea Party”, we immediately imagine a young girl with her teddy bears dressed up as her favorite Disney Princess, gathered around a pink plastic table, eating pink animal crackers and drinking water out of pink plastic teacups. While this sounds like great fun, I want more than that.  I want a tea party that consists of free speech, intellectual  debates and thoughts, and also a sense of belonging. By that I mean, I want discussion.  I want to share the ups and downs of my life with you and hear about yours.  I want a community filled with support.  Sure talking about the latest make-up tips and fashion trends are great fun but at some point in this life, we all need support.  Even if it is just knowing that someone else is facing the same trials and struggles in their life as you are or simply opening up in a safe place, this is what I want from OUR blog.

So, in order to kick start this trend I wanted to talk about something serious in my own life.  I have always struggled with my health.  For as long as I can remember, I just never felt good.  I remember as a kid, I would run to the bathroom after every meal just because I felt sick.  I have migraines all the time.  I will go months without a menstrual cycle.  Many doctors thought I was looking for an excuse to miss school or that I was just lying to my parents to get out of trouble, I wasn’t.  I did receive some answers and got some treatment but I still feel terrible.  Currently, there aren’t any answers for me.  I just have to live with feeling like shit everyday of my life and, as of right now, there’s nothing I can do about it.

Another issue that has played a large factor in my life is depression along with anxiety.  I don’t remember it affecting me as tremendously as a kid but as an adult I see the negative affects everyday.  The lack of motivation, almost zero self-confidence, feeling like a disappointment, and guilt.   These are just a few of the things that I feel everyday.  On top of feeling terrible physically, mentally I feel strained. I feel like no matter what I do it’s never enough for me or those around me. The worst feeling is when I want to go out and have fun but no matter how hard I try I can’t bring myself to leave or I get with my friends and feel like I am drowning in my own negative thoughts. And for those of us who struggle with depression, those people who don’t have to deal with depression everyday: Don’t know anything.  They don’t understand that saying, “You’re bringing me down” “You’re just in a funk” “It’s all in your head”, these phrases drag us down more than anything.

If there is a lesson that I have learned from dealing with my own demons is that:

  1. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH.
  2. KINDNESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT
  3. DISTRACTIONS ARE NEVER NEGATIVES

YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH.  That’s just that, you don’t know. No matter how perceptive or intelligent you are, you don’t know. You never know what people are dealing with and how your actions might affect them.

KINDNESS IS THE GREATEST GIFT.  This ties hand in hand with not knowing what people are going through.  Whenever I had conflicts with my peers my dad always said, “Kill them with kindness.” This has stuck with me forever.  Not only can you defuse a negative situation but you can bring joy to others by simply being kind.  I think that kindness is the best.  From sacrificing the leftovers from your dinner to a man on the streets to smiling and thanking the barista at Starbucks, kindness goes a long distance.  You never know what your kindness can and will do for someone.

Lastly, DISTRACTIONS ARE NEVER NEGATIVES. I have been reflecting on this a great deal.  In school or at church we are always told, “Pay attention” “Stop distracting the other kids”.  These negative thoughts are engraved in our minds at such a young age that as we get older we stop finding distractions for ourselves.  I’m not saying that paying attention in school isn’t important but I think that it limits our mental progression.  As an adult, I think, it is very important to find distractions from the struggles of LIFE.  Find something to distract you from the hourly job you don’t enjoy, find a distraction in something you love. For many of us, our passions don’t bring us as much material security as they do joy.  So take the time to be distracted by things that bring you joy.  Even if it is something as simple as walking through your neighborhood or baking.  Distractions keep us busy when we have down time.  It is even better for those of us who struggle with depression, sitting alone without anything to do is never safe.  Our minds start to wander and that leads to trouble. Find distractions. Find friends who will partake in these distractions with you!

Even though I felt like I just rambled on for an hour, I feel great.  It is so nice to just say what I feel. I hope that those of you who are stopping in for some tea leave some thoughts as well.  There is no judgement here. I want to hear from you all.  As a college student I don’t have much to give away so I want to give a place of security and friendship, and that’s what this Tea Party is all about.

Pass the sugar!! (Leave a comment)

 

 

3 thoughts on “Heating the Kettle

  1. “Distractions are never a negative”. I have always felt the best way to stop myself from sulking in depression is to distract yourself and not allowing to be alone with your emotions. I’m glad you do this as well. That is probably the best piece of advice I could give to anyone struggling.

    I’m so glad you’ve started this blog! What a great idea! I always love to hear about how your life is going. I’m so sorry you are always sick and I hope you find something that makes a difference soon. Maybe this blog can be a distraction from the rough patches and your illnesses. Xoxo – Sam

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have been battling depression for 10 years now, when I originally was diagnosed I couldn’t stop thinking that I was at the end of the tunnel. But I’ve learned something from my depression. In August, I realized I wasn’t happy in my relationship, I was working 60 hours a week and felt as if I had not time to myself, my father was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and the worst part was, even though I knew I had friends and family who cared, I felt none of them did. Depression was inching it’s way into my life again with tough life changes being thrown at me. But I fought back. Depression hurts everyone in different ways, for me She’s a constant reminder that when I’m smiling I shouldn’t be. Fighting back when you just want to let the storm take you takes energy than it seems. For a while it’s almost more depressing to fight Her than it is to let it sink in. Depression is one thing I would never wish upon anyone. Not knowing your own boundaries, or knowing what will set you off is the scariest thing in the world. You may see 300 people die in Afghanistan die and it doesn’t phase you, but the moment your temperature gets to hot, or you hear laughter from other people, you are an explosive device with a timer that has just started. Seeing how far I’ve made it was the extinguisher for me. When the calm after the storm arrived in October I had noticed many things, and in order they started clearing my mind of scratches and scribbles. I started giving myself a break, and started asking for help. I had removed myself from an abusive relationship, found a new job, grieved with my father, and started listening to my friends and trusting in what they said. I think depression is something I will live with for the rest of my life, and knowing that it dwells inside of me is my worst night mare, but it reminds me that I am real, and that I am the consequences of all my decisions. It reminds me that being filled with sorrow is normal, and that feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all. My depression speaks to me as if it is an old friend just watching and observing but reminds me that life is real, and that consequences from life are more important than waddling along. Depression is my close and personal friend, it is someone I need to pay attention to and treat kindly because she is self conscious and curious about the world. They say the most intelligent people in the world are depressed because they understand consequences in life, and although I will always fight back, and choose happiness, depression is a constant reminder that my life is precious, and that I am in charge of keeping her in check.

    Is depression an addiction, and can she be recovered? Yes She is an addiction, for me. No She can not be fully recovered, and She will never fully disappear, but just like with any addiction, She can be helped, and She will be in my case.

    I’ve never really shared my experience with depression with those who aren’t family or friends because I just cry and get upset, reminding myself that this world is not a good world. But hearing you open up has been reassuring and helpful.

    You are a fabulous writer Tay, and my best friend. I’m so glad I can share in this experience with you. Thank you for giving your tea party a realistic outlook on small tid bits of life.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is so good, Taylor. Being a college student is hard enough without having the added stress of struggling with physical & mental/ emotional health and well-being. It’s such a hard topic to discuss, so I’m glad you are brave enough to start the conversation. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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